Tea Butlers

The social system here is a bit weird. Even aside from the fact that Emirati ladies have to conceal themselves under curtains (FYI: there's a female beauty centre in Madinat Zayed). Emiratis only make up about 20% of the population, a fair chunk of the remaining 80% is foreign professionals but for anything that actually needs to be done, proper work, there's an ex-pat underclass of Sri Lankan, Filipino and Indian house elves.

They drive the taxis, sell your food, clean you room, pump your petrol all the time wearing degrading uniforms. If you're in a meeting there's a bell you ring and a Sri Lankan guy in a waistcoat earning sub-minimum wage comes along and pours a coffee for you. Well done society, well done.

Is it My Imagination...

I'm in Al Ain. You've probably not heard of it. It's the 4th biggest city in the UAE, it's by an oasis and it seems like a proper city, by which I mean you can walk from one side of the city centre to the other within an hour.

It's a bit older and a bit more charming than Abu Dhabi, there's forts and museums and history and stuff. And an oasis. Did I mention that already - more palm trees than you can shake a stick at, and believe you me I've shaken sticks at a lot of palm trees in my time.

Staying in a five-star hotel. Not sure I like it, there's no plug for the kettle, in a sensible place. Have as many different restaurants as you like but frankly you shouldn't be allowed to call yourself a five-star hotel if you have to crawl under a table to make a coffee. Look at me getting all judgemental over hotels. A part of me has died.

Infinity Pools?

I didn't know what an infinity pool was. Now I do and it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

Last week I thought the hotel I was in was pretty plush - good food, good pool, spacious room - but everyone else there was moaning that it was a bit rubbish. Now I see why.

I've just eaten stir-fried quail.

In other news, I've managed to break the £170 note that the cash machine gave me. What use is a £170 note? I guess they're useful in Dubai but here in the middle-of-nowhere lunch costs just under 60p. I'd be apologetic using a note that's a tenth of the value.

Where the people like the Flintstones...

I'm in Abu Dhabi. It's possibly the most faceless city I've ever been to. It seems that there's absolutely nothing to do here, except go on living a business-class lifestyle. Doing lengths of the rooftop swimming pool.

Had my first illicit alcohol consumption, managed to find an Irish bar for St Patrick's day. It was in a hotel. The whole walking-through-foyers-of-posh-looking-hotels-to-get-to-bars thing could take a bit of getting used to. Saying that, the amount of time I'm going to be spending in hotels over the next while I've got to hope I'll start feeling not-out-of-place in them.

In Abu Dhabi's defence one thing that it has done very well is the mosque you see when you're first on the island. It looks the bee's knees, I tell you. Fairly much like the Taj Mahal with gold plated minarets. It's brand-spanking new as well, I didn't realise people still did the whole ostentatious-displays-of-wealth-for-religious purposes-thing but evidently they do, and they do it pretty well at that.

Just Deserts

I'm in Madinat Zayad. Or technically I'm in a hotel in the desert, on the edge of an oasis about 30 miles from Madinat Zayed. Saying that I'm in a town in no way does justice to how remote this seems.

So this whole UAE thing all came about a bit sudden-like. One week ago I had absolutely no idea I'd be coming and now it looks like I'll be here, or here abouts, for the next three months.

The hotel I'm in has a resorty type feel to it, all sunbeds round swimming pools and buffet meals. Feels a bit like I'm on a package holiday only with less booze.