Apparently there was some kind of shindig back in Blighty yesterday and I figured that what the World needed was someone else to talk about it. Especially someone who was several thousand miles away and didn't watch it.
Being perpetually cynical I'd been wondering why people were so excited about it (it's the wedding of two people you're never going to meet) or the minor details (how many people can actually recognise who designed a dress? I saw it, it looked like a dress to me). Equally I couldn't really see why people were getting so angry about it (it's someone else's big day, stop whining about class politics and taxpayers' money). I could only really understand people's lethargic indifference.
But then I saw an interview with Boris Johnson who said he'd got them a tandem, shortly followed by the PM saying he'd got them some photos of Anglesey. This set me thinking, they had something like 1,000 wedding guests most of whom probably don't know them that well. They must have got some terrible gifts. I find it difficult enough buying people that I know well something that they'd genuinely like - Wills and Kate's bedsit must be absolutely heaving with unopened pasta makers.
And imagine all that feigned politeness. So many absolutely genuine "You shouldn't have"s. As in "Thanks Sultan of Brunei, A gold-plated orang utan, just what we needed. But you shouldn't have, we'd've been happy with Amazon vouchers." or "Thanks Nan, a ridiculous title which means my wife isn't going to be a Princess. You really shouldn't have."
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Lately I have mostly been drinking things shaped like grenades. Add your own punchline.
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Dan and Rachel - No. 2. Congratulations.
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